I remember the day like it was yesterday.
Not September 11, 2001 (although that day still resonates heavily in my mind).
No, the day I’m referring to is the day that forever changed the way I recall 9/11, and other misfortunes like it.
My wife Amanda and I had driven down to Orlando in separate vehicles (I was in town on business and she would later join me for a planned, kid-less weekend once I finished up business at work).
That morning we left the hotel headed in different directions, she went out for a little shopping and I drove to my Orlando office for a meeting.
The day seemed to be entirely ordinary, but that would quickly change.
In the middle of my meeting, my cell phone began to quietly buzz – it was Amanda.
We’ve worked out a little system for situations like this.
If she calls while I’m in a meeting or if I’m busy, I simply let it go to voicemail.
But, if it is imperative that she contact me right away, she immediately calls back.
So when I saw the words “Amanda Cell” appear again within seconds, I excused myself from the meeting and answered her call.
Apparently while she was shopping, she had received a message that a mutual friend of ours, Jennifer, had suddenly fallen ill with a seizure and before she could reach the hospital was placed on life support.
To give you a little background on Jennifer, she had just come through an immense battle with breast cancer the year before and looked to be in total remission.
But on this particular morning, she collapsed in her bathroom from a brain tumor.
The cancer was back, but this time it had moved to her brain in the form of a golf ball-sized tumor.
I have to be totally honest here, at that time I was really only just “OK” friends with Jennifer and her husband Steve.
And there have been several instances in the past when similar circumstances involved someone closer to me that I didn’t feel the need to react suddenly.
But for some reason, the moment Amanda called to let me know what was happening, I felt strangely “compelled” to leave Orlando and drive back to Gainesville immediately.
So I politely excused myself from the meeting and within a few minutes, Amanda arrived and we headed back toward Gainesville (remember, in separate vehicles).
It was during that drive back that I felt – for the first time in my life – an overwhelming urge to reach out to God.
I really didn’t know what to say, but because the impulse was so strong, I just started talking to Him like I’m talking to you now.
And to give you a little background on me, you need to understand that until that very moment, I had never genuinely prayed – ever.
Oh, I talked about prayer prior to that.
I even use to look people right in the eye – when they were going through a tough time – and tell them, “I’ll keep you in my prayers,” yet I never did.
In my defense, I honestly meant no harm, but I guess I simply viewed prayer as the right thing to say to someone who was going through rough times.
Well, needless to say, I had my first conversation with God that day on the drive back.
I don’t remember everything I said, but I spoke to Him for about 25 minutes or so.
I’m sure the people having to maneuver around me on the interstate thought it a bit strange/annoying to see a guy just rambling on and on with no one else in the truck.
But I suddenly felt as if a HUGE weight had been lifted off my chest.
It was the most freeing conversation I’d have ever had in my life!
From that point on, I speak to Him often – mostly in the mornings over peanut butter toast and coffee on the way to work – behind a steering wheel, just like our first conversation.
My life literally hasn’t been the same since that day!
It’s changed the way I view God, how I view others and how I view what most people call tragedy.
I use to question how God could let bad things happen.
And right or wrong, I now firmly believe that it isn’t God who “allows” the bad things or “creates” the pain, suffering or death – it’s the wonderful things that happen during those awful occurrences is what He’s doing.
For instance, I would imagine not one single person in the Critical Care Unit waiting room just outside Jennifer’s room that afternoon was thinking about me.
And rightfully so.
Though Jennifer would eventually (maybe even miraculously) fully recover, their thoughts were focused solely on a wonderful young lady battling for her life and how this situation was crumbling around her family.
To the casual observer, it was obvious nothing “good” was happening in that situation.
Except for the fact that two hours south of that hospital, somewhere along the interstate, someone as insignificant as me was encountering the Holy Spirit for the very first time – all because of this “tragedy.”
Now whenever I hear or see something terrible happening, I automatically turn my thoughts to what God’s mercy and grace might be up to in that situation, regardless of whether or not it is visible at that moment or not.
And that brings me to the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001.
On the surface, most people recall that day as horrifying, heart-breaking, sad, angering, etc. – basically, nothing “good” seemed to be happening in that situation.
And though I’ll never downplay the senseless and tragic deaths of all those people, because of how Jennifer’s situation has changed the way I look at things, I now look at that infamous day with a sense of awe and wonder.
Crazy?
Not if you think about the hundreds of people who – under tremendous duress and unthinkable chaos – willingly and selflessly sacrificed their lives to save the lives of complete strangers in moment’s notice.
I know it’s not easy to accept that the reality just may be that we are all somewhat at the mercy of death, tragedy and suffering – mostly due to the free-will decisions of others – here in this world.
But just remember this, God is infinitely larger than this world, and one day He will perfectly and completely undo every pain, every suffering and every death.
And until then, take comfort in the fact that He is and does work tremendous “good” in every “bad” situation, whether we see it or not.
A Changing Grace 
Mike something like that happen to me. Put it was I in the hospital and waiting for open heart surgery. After I talk to God on Saturday I took everything as it came. When they told me on Monday at I needed open heart I say OK. Because I could feel god with me for the first time. I do know he has been with all the time but not really feeling him.
Thank you Rick. Sometimes it seems that when it comes to God, so many merely want to see the show – signs and miracles, when the whole time we are walking around there are literally millions of signs and miracles all around us. Sadly, too many don’t consider love, laughter, our central nervous system, Photosynthesis, the way our flesh and body continuously heals, etc., etc. So you are exactly right. He is ALWAYS here, not only alongside of us, but within every single molecule of the very air we breathe.
Mike, as you know, I can verify this 100%. It’s very had to say that anything good could come from a tragic situation. But it does. Most of the time (in my case) you don’t even realize it’s happening. Then once you stop trying to figure out why God “let” this happen, you start to understand and see the truth.
This one did a number on my heart Mike. Keep doing what you’re doing.
I’ll probably (annoyingly) say this as long as we know each other Paul, but your testimony gives me so much strength and faith, and not only because your situation has turned for the better recently. What I admire the most is your accepting of His will, even when you don’t and may not ever fully understand it. The only reason why it might impact your heart is because it comes straight from Him through my heart. Yours and others’ comments and feedback on here make this blog worth writing. Thank you again Paul.
My mom, Margie, referred me to your blog. I’m a blog reader 🙂
Your blog is amazing and is coming from a true and genuine place. I wish you the best. I look forward to reading more.
Kim
Hi Kim, and thank you so much for following AND commenting on this site (the comments from you and others is what makes this site)!! I truly consider it an honor! You probably already know this, but your mom is so very special to me. She is a rare angel, and our chats get me so fired up we usually lose track of time. I hope you enjoy the site, and if you do, PLEASE share it with as many people as you can (not for me, but so we can get as many people sharing the love of God and sharing our struggles, doubts and fears together). Thank you again Kim!
911 was a very sobering time for our nation. The full impact did not hit me until a few weeks later when I traveled to Ct and going through N Y, NJ, and Ct every overpass on 95 had many small flags to remember the victims from that community. The stores had pictures of the young mothers and fathers, grandfathers and grandmothers, sons and daughters others lost on that day. This all felt very personal thinking of and praying for these families everywhere one turned. Knowing they had left these very towns that fateful morning and would never return to their families was very emotional for me. Prayer and tears were all we had at that point. But coming out of it all our nation came together and for a time seemed to be turning to God more and having a sense of hope and purpose. I hope that spark can reignite and we can once again become one nation UNDER GOD.
I also remember the emotional roller coaster the day Jennifer had her brain surgery. Sitting in the waiting room I felt that she had the 2 most important things to make it through, the rock solid love of her devoted family and their unshakable faith in God. Jennifer is the strongest lady I have ever met in so many ways.
Thanks for that Helen. I can only imagine the site of all that tribute everywhere. Hearing that makes me think about Jesus. So many, including myself at one time, have a hard time contextualizing the cross. And just like people from other parts of the country, 9/11 is a sad story, but few pause to meditate on it to the point that they can feel it and even if it’s just for a moment think about the raw pain those families have endured. I know you’ve commented on the change I’ve gone through over the past 2-3 years. But it wasn’t until I began to look at things from a 180-degree perspective that my heart was completely moved. The more you focus on the Creator of the Universe coming here, knowing that despite the fact that He could flick His accusers and executioners with one fingernail, He went through it for me and you. When I really concentrated on every stripe they put on His back, and every thorn that pierced His head and the cross, well you know. When I set my thoughts on that, I was filled with a level of gratitude I’ve never allowed myself to feel before. Like your trip up north, the story became real and I was hooked forever. Thanks again for sharing Helen, it means so much to me.
Mike, I love your blog. As emotional as it is to think back to the days when we witnessed Jennifer’s “miracle” it reminds me daily of the awesome power of prayer. I think our entire Church came together in prayer that day along with Churches from all over the country. That alone was miraculous. So many times we just look at the bad in a situation and miss all the good. We simply need to remember God is Good all the time.
Clara, my blog loves you!! 🙂 But seriously, I don’t need to tell you what you and your entire family mean to me, but suffice it to say you are all an inspiration to me. It now makes TOTAL sense to me that faith makes NO sense to those who don’t realize that it’s not about “religion” and ALL about being still and knowing…knowing His will is perfect ESPECIALLY when we don’t agree or understand. His answers to our prayers are perfect ESPECIALLY when He says “No.” Because He loves us. Who else could completely redeem us out of tragedy, pain and suffering? What He went through on the cross says so much, but what it should definitely tell us is that we are worth it to Him to pay the ultimate price. He was willing to be beaten, torn, spat on, nailed through and die – even when He could have scattered them with a flick of His wrist. If we only meditate on that, our appreciation and gratitude would more than praise and glorify Him. How could we fuss over our pain and suffering here, knowing we have the riches of His Kingdom waiting for us? Happy Anniversary to you and Bill!! See you tonight!!
Mike: I have never blogged and have never before READ blogs. They just seem to be meaningless chatter…until yours that is. You have touched my heart and mind in so many ways and I actually look forward to your blog thoughts. You stated above “His answers to our prayers are perfect ESPECIALLY when He says “No.” ” I too often hear someone say “God never answers my prayers”. They, like all children, forget “no” is an answer. Keep this up and God bless you.
Thank you so much for the kind words Sallie! My mission for this ministry is to help people like myself who may have had or may still struggle with getting through some of the “religious” stuff to find that it’s not only POSSIBLE to have a real relationship, but it’s REALISTIC. If you haven’t already, you can elect to “follow” my blog (never been too thrilled about that word myself) and receive an email alert anytime I post something new (it’s pretty easy, just look at the top, right-hand portion of the site under the picture). Again, thank you so much for reading AND commenting (I like the interaction best). Spread the word if you know anyone(s) who this might encourage or lift up! Mike.